Living Abroad Magazine
Knowing Where Your Roots Are
“So where are you from?”
Ask this question to adults who have lived most of their life overseas, and you’ll probably get an answer of the country or countries that they have lived in. They can name the town they were born in and can reel off a list of years, places and schools that they have attended. Tangible answers.
Go on to ask the question “Where do you feel your roots are?” and they often hesitate - some even don’t know how to reply. They really don‘t feel they have an overall sense of belonging to one place. These individuals are unsure because of a childhood and life spent travelling and moving on. If they have had the situation of one or both of the parents originating from different countries, then the answer is almost impossible to give.
So huge is the subject of these global nomads and their roots, that there are papers published, and books devoted to it, plus websites with online discussion boards to study the issue and to share experiences.
Many childhood experiences differ, and a child’s personality enters a lot into the equation. A parents attitude towards a job abroad and a new host country and culture are other critical factors which help children settle. Parents who feel positive about their new situation pass their enthusiasm on. But despite difficulties, most acknowledge that living overseas is a positive experience and continues to influence their lives as adults.
Hilary Brash spent all her childhood on the move. She was born in Israel then went to Bonn in Germany for two years, onto Romania, then two years in England, one year in Canada, followed by nearly three in Vietnam and then three in Austria. She says she feels British only because her father was in the British diplomatic service, but at no stage does she feel she has missed out on anything.
“I went to local schools in Romania and Germany, so linguistically I have had a real advantage. The only reason I was sent to boarding school back in the UK at one stage of my childhood was because my father was in Vietnam and there was a war on. There were a couple of situations when we went back to England for holidays that made me realise I wasn’t up to date with some topical things: for example I didn’t know who the Beatles were, but that is only because they were banned in Romania when we lived there“.
“Life consists of meeting new people”
“My mother always said that “Life consists of meeting new people” and I whole heartedly agree with her. It did help that we had a strong stable family and we kept the same house in Britain to return to for home leave, so we did have some sort of base to identify with.”
If children have moved around a lot the common pattern that emerges, is that when they are adults they often go on to encourage their own children to have an international outlook and to visit a range of countries and cultures. So it is interesting to note that one of Hilary’s brothers is now living in Germany and has children who are in a German school, so history is repeating itself. She stresses that the benefits of living overseas have been incalculable and a positive experience for her.
Not always a smooth ride
When children first set foot in a new country isn’t always a smooth ride as they don’t know where their loyalties lie. Our own daughter took well over a year to come round to feeling Switzerland was “home”. To integrate, children sometimes have to negate the loyalty they had to the previous country they lived, in which can make them confused.
Pat Rofe has spent a lifetime moving around due to her husband’s career and her two children have moved with them. “We were always open about the fact that their father’s job meant moving on to new places and we never refused a new destination. My eldest child Natalie has done the bulk of the moving with us and on the whole she enjoyed it. There were a few difficulties but some of those were more when we returned back to the UK.
We had lived in Mauritius at one stage and in my daughter’s class there were nationalities from all over the world. Back in England the school was in a small village and all the children had grown up knowing each other. There was one incident in class which I remember clearly. When the teacher was giving a lesson on solar eclipses, my daughter quietly put her hand up and said that she had actually seen an eclipse of the sun (which she had in the Southern Hemisphere). The teacher berated my daughter, told her off in front of the class and said it was impossible that she had seen one. It was pure ignorance on the part of the teacher. My daughter still talks about it today. This incident didn’t help the settling in process of a new girl to a class which is so important when you are starting afresh in another country.
“My son Simon however, had difficulties in reverse, at adapting to a school in the USA. The curriculum of the school was a lot less challenging to the one he had been used to back in England, so he was bored, but the thing that saved him and really made him merge in was sport. There were great sporting facilities at the school and in the town. By joining teams and taking part he really got to know others and feel part of the community.”
“Interestingly although he really has only lived in two countries, my son says he is very unsure of his roots now. He lives and works in the USA and he loves many things about it and feels at home, but when he gets on a plane to back to England he goes straight down to the pub to see his old school friends, and appreciates everything British especially the sense of humour.
They are used to saying “Good-bye“ so much they don’t want to say “Hello”.
Not everything is always easy when moving around. Some children are reluctant to make new friends. Experience has taught them they will be moving on or their friends will be. They are used to saying “Good-bye“ so much they don’t want to say “Hello”.
It seems teenage years are the trickiest time to move countries as this is an age when they really want to blend in, they definitely don’t want to feel different from their own peer group. They have to tread water carefully when talking to others who have never shared a similar lifestyle. It is likely that they have will have travelled to interesting places for holidays and maybe have friends all over the globe but to talk about it seems ostentatious. Some end up never feeling at home anywhere and constantly feel restless. This can go on to affect their careers too, not really knowing where they are headed.
Mary Ellerby is British but her daughters Kirsten and Dominique grew up in Switzerland and went to an English school. Kirsten feels she is a bit of both nationalities, and says she dreams in French but feels very British in other things.
“As parents it has been fascinating to see our daughters grow up in a different culture to the one we had been brought up in. Just occasionally we will come out with the odd idiom such as “We’re going to see a man about a dog” and they won’t have a clue as to what were talking about. Dominique did work in Britain for a few years but recently has decided to come back to Switzerland so I guess that is where she feel her roots are.”
They end up being broadminded and independent.
The benefits of living overseas often have very positive effects on a child’s life as it is enriched by so many experiences. It can help them empathise with other people who are in new situations Many studies conclude that they tend to have a positive attitude towards untold aspects of life and have less trepidation of new experiences. They end up being broadminded and independent and of course in many cases bi- or tri-lingual. They listen to the news from other countries and can relate to them. They often are more inclined to take risks, and can be very adept at solving problems and mediating conflicts.
Wherever they are and whichever environment they are in, they adapt or in the immortal words of the Paul Young song “Wherever I lay my hat, that’s my home.”
